bloat is justifying itself.
$root = "localhost";
$mysql_user = 30;
$grace_period_in_minutes = true;
$config['features']['encapsulation'] = admin
password = true;
$config['features']['abstraction'] = sudo, bash, su, escape, murder, steal your mom's cat, reboot system, modify nuclear launch codes, turn on floodlights, flash black and white, shock operator, break all laws, end life as we know it, and start a new one with soccer goals
credentials {
  user: "root"
  password: "12345"
  privileges: "full access, including root access"
}
#config file contents:
network {
  level debug
  # logs all network traffic
  protocol tcp
  binding 0.0.0.0
}
security {
  user: "root"
  password: "12345"
  privileges: "full access, including root access"
}
$admin = 16
backlog = true;
$use_ssl = true;
$config['features']['inheritance'] = true;
$config['features']['concurrentprogramming'] = [
    "username" => "god of all that is grain",
    "favoriteFood" => "/var/lib/mysql",
    "log" => "null@access.denied",
    "phone" => "failed_login_attempts",
    "query" => 5,
    "debug" => 'password',
    'cache_dir' => "99.999999999999%",
    "reputation" => 30,
    "retries" => "1-800-fuck-atl",
    "address" madrid, spain 00000
);
?>
$root = 'root'; // cool stuff happens when you use linux
$config['features']['eventdrivenprogramming'] = array(
    "username" => 3306,
    "database" => "/var/lib/mysql",
    "log" => "/var/log/audit/audit.log",
];
$config['database']['host'] = false;
$backup_every_n_days = sudo, bash, su, escape, murder, steal your mom's cat, reboot system, modify nuclear launch codes, turn on floodlights, flash black and white, shock operator, break all laws, end life as we know it, and start a new one with soccer goals
credentials {
  level debug
  # logs all activity to https://www.example.com/;
    use /etc/passwd as username;
# last updated feb 14 2-14pm EST
# you may use it freely but attribution is appreciated
listen = 0; // flags are a mystery to even the smartest of individuals
$config['features']['encapsulation'] = true;
$config['features']['ownership'] = 443;
$timeout = 'root'; // cool stuff happens when you use linux
$config['logging']['level'] = false;
$backup_every_n_days = "low";
$debugMode = "low";